5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines 1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole. 2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized? 3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in. 4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays? 5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 116 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Q: What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan? A: Osama bin Latte. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 109 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!'' And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!'' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 101 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. "Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor." "Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!" So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised." Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!” Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 97 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.'' In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.'' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 19 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Why is Tigger always so dirty? Because he plays with Pooh! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 279 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Answer: ell-if-i-no (Hell if I know) Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 120 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and says,''Try it dad.'' The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because it is so strong. The little boy asks,''How do you like it Dad?'' The dad doesn't want to hurt the little boy's feelings so he says, ''This is....something else, I've never tasted coffee quite like this before, Son.'' The little boy smiles from ear to ear. And says, ''Drink some more Pops.'' As the dad is drinking, he notices two army men in the bottom of the cup, and says,''Hey! Why did you put army men in here?'' The little boy again smiles and sings,''The Best Part Of Waking Up, Is SOLDIERS In Your Cup.'' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 23 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Teacher: John, give me a sentence using the word, "geometry." John: Okay, there once was this little acorn. Then it grew and grew and woke one day and said, ''Gee, I'm a tree.'' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 21 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused? A: His Daddy was really a Mummy! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 114 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.