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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.



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Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.



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Join the Army, meet interesting people, then kill them.



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Money is the root of all wealth.



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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.



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Don't judge a book by its movie.



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Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.



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A good pun is its own reword,
and a bad one is its own pun-ishment.


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Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.



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Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.



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