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Mike: "I think I`m going to move to Utah.
There are only 100 nuns living there."
John: "Well, I want to go to Montana,
as there are only 50 nuns living there."
George: "I want to go to Dakota,
there are only 25 nuns living there."
Nun: "Why don`t you go to hell?
There aren`t any nuns there!"


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A guy with a red wagon is trying to pull it up a hill,
but it won't go up, so he's cursing. A priest walks by.
Priest: "Why are you swearing?"
Man: "My red wagon won't go up this damn hill!"
Priest: "Well, God can hear you. He is everywhere."
Man: "Is he in that bush?"
Priest: "Yes."
Man: "Is he on that roof?"
Priest: "God is everywhere."
Man: "Is he in my little red wagon?"
Priest: "Yes."
Man: "Well, tell him to get his fat ass out and push."


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Bill went to church with his wife but
always fell asleep during the sermony.
The wife decided to do something about this.
One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with
her to poke him with every time he fell asleep.
The preacher shouted out, "And who
created all there is in six days and
rested on the seventh," she poked Bill,
who came flying out of the pew and
screamed, "Good God almighty!"
The minister said, "That's right,
that's right," and went on with his sermony.
Bill fell asleep again. the preacher
shouted out, "And who died on the cross
to save us from our sins," the wife
poked him again, and he jumped up and
shouted, "Jesus Christ!".
The minister said, "That's right,
that's right," and went on with his sermony.
Bill sat back down and began to watch
his wife and when the minister got to,
"And what did Eve say to Adam after
the birth of their second child?"
The wife started to poke Bill again,
but he jumped up and said, "If you
stick that damn thing in me again,
I'll break it off!"


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There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was shouting, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A priest walked up and asked why he was calling
them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so
they're dam fish."
The priest bought some, took them home and asked
his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said,
"priests aren't supposed to talk like that."
The priest explained why they were dam fish,
and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was
served, the priest asked his son to pass him
the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad.
Pass the fucking potatoes!"


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