At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he'd like to go out for a drink. Spiderman replies "No, I have to repair my web spinner." So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends and they're all busy. He decides in the end to go for a quick super-fly around the world to clear his mind before bed time. As he passes over Wonder-Woman's mansion he sees her lying naked and spread eagle next to her pool. Hmmm he thinks, with my super powers I'll fly down for a quickie and before she realizes I'll be gone. So he swoops down and "WHAM BAM thank you maam" and he's gone. Wonder- Woman shreiks "What was that?" And the invisible man cries "I don't know, but I've sure got a sore ass!!!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 216 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny replied... "What ya gonna do, f#ck him?" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 644 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we?? Love, Your Hubby ********************** To My Dearest Husband, I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year: Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times Did not come home at all - 36 times Did not come - 21 times Came too soon - 38 times Went soft before you got it in - 19 times Cramps in your leg - 16 times Working too late - 33 times You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?" Love, Your Wife Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 340 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Bill Clinton gets into a store, He finds the a woman and a man. He tells the girl "Let me show you my game, I look at your breasts and you look at my prick, Until someone will surrender!" The man interferes the conversation: "Let me show you my game, we both hang ourselves, who gets stregled first - he is the loser! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 495 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.